Friendly, not familiar

I don't know if anybody else has noticed this, but when I head out to restaurants nowadays, I feel like the wait staff is trying extra special hard to get my tips. I say this because they're going overboard to be almost smothering in their friendliness. Instead of the usual "hi, welcome to So-and-So's, can I get you anything to drink today?" I often find myself confronted with servers, usually college-aged, who greet me like a friend. This is especially noticeable when you're with a group: "hey guys, how's everything going today?" and the like. For one thing, this is especially irritating when the group contains both men and woman. Call me old-fashioned, but I don't refer to women as "guys" unless they're friends of mine.

But even when it's just me at the table, too often I feel like the server is assuming an institutional, tip-grubbing kind of familiarity on me that I don't really feel like dealing with when I'm hungry, or any other time for that matter. Now, I understand that servers make a good chunk of their money on tips, and that to get those tips they need to be friendly. But there's a difference between good service and aggressive service. I find this is especially prevalent among male servers, who will lay all manner of forced banter on me, the better to make a strong impression. Is it just that women, or at least the kinds of women who are drawn to server positions, are better able to project warmth and cordiality without backing it up with go-getter aggressiveness?

So, a note to all servers and wait staff who are reading this: I don't ask for much from you. Greet me with a smile. Take my order. Bring it to me in a timely manner, and make sure it's right. If there's a problem, solve it to the best of your ability, and if you can't, bring me someone who will. And when I have my food, leave me alone and let me eat. Unless you screw up, you'll get your 20%. And who knows- if there's a problem but you solve it with grace and efficiency, or if you deliver outstanding levels of service, you may very well get more than that.

I go to restaurants for one reason only- to eat. Despite what you might think when you read some of the posts here, I do have friends, and I don't need people to act like my friends just to make my dining experience special. There's a rather disturbing trend I've noticed lately at certain restaurants I visit- after I've received the bill and the server has taken my credit card, he or she will sometimes return with the card and refer to me by my name. Seriously- WHAT THE FUCK? Oh, do I know you? Have we been formally introduced? No? Then don't refer to me by my name. Get it? Got it? Good.

Well, that settles it...

Good to know, I guess. Although I remember taking a much more thorough nerd test back during my high school years, so there you go.

Home cookin'

Taking the advice of Andy Horbal, I gave Alton Brown's recipe for Baked Macaroni and Cheese a whirl last weekend. As expected it was tasty, although I think I could make a few small improvements to up the deliciousness factor. But since I live alone, I had a whole bunch left over (don't worry, this isn't going to be another post about how I can't get a date). I ended up taking the leftovers to work with me for several days thereafter, as a reprieve from my usual can of soup.

Now, here's the real story. When I'd be heating up my leftover mac and cheese, most people would either say nothing or say, "hey, did you make that yourself?" But there was one exception. A woman about my age (I almost typed "girl" for some reason) who I sometimes see at lunch noticed what I had and asked me, "did you make that or was it from the Colonel's?" Those six words made all the difference- "or was it from the Colonel's". I gotta admit, that hurt my feelings a bit.

I pride myself on being at least a little domesticated. I don't always eat out of boxes or cans, and can cook a decent number of good dishes either from memory or from recipes I inherited from various sources- mom, grandma, Uncle Alton, and the like. So I think my reaction to her question had a lot to do with her (entirely unnecessary) implication that I might not have cooked the macaroni and cheese. After all, most people simply asked if I'd cooked the dish without feeling the need to suggest an alternative that involved me not lighting the stove.

But I'd be lying if I said that the particular alternative that popped into her head and out of her mouth had nothing to do with it. Because... KFC? Really? I'm sure their mac and cheese isn't bad for fast-food mac and cheese, but is it really worth saving the leftovers?

Or could she have possibly been implying that I had brought in my lunch a dreaded failure pile in a sadness bowl?????



Ugh. Heavens forbid in my opinion.

Oh well. Let her eat her Colonel's mac and cheese. More of the homemade stuff for me, thankyouverymuch.

"If you want the things you love, you must have showers"

It just dawned on me that there might be a few people out there who visit this blog but aren't in the habit of checking out my main blog. Well, here's some motivation for you. Starting this past Sunday, I began a weekly quiz entitled Famous Last Words. The basic idea is that I post the final line from a movie and you guess the movie. Guess the most over the next 12 weeks and you win a $20 gift certificate from The Criterion Store.

Well, what are you waiting for?

Love is all around

In my last post, I related a story that happened to me, in which I was turned down by a certain Internet dating service, the reason being that based on my performance on their "personality test," I was judged unlikely to derive much benefit from their service. In other words, I didn't fit into one of their neat little profiles. I get it- I'm not like most guys, and while I'm completely cool with that, I'm not what a lot of women are looking for.

I hadn't intended a follow-up post, but I received the following in my e-Mail this morning and couldn't resist:

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Setting aside the fact that there is no mention here of rich women looking for eager "sophisticated" men (or gay pairings, for that matter), there's plenty to chew on here.

Seriously, how could nobody have thought of this before? What kind of men have the hardest time meeting women? Why, rich ones, of course! Really, doesn't a poor rich guy have enough hardship in his life without having to put forth the effort of finding a woman who could find it in her heart to embark on a relationship with him? What could a woman ever expect to gain from a well-to-do gentleman?

But what's that you say? The life of a wealthy young man is fraught with peril from a slew of tight-bodied, ambitious ladies seeking to ensnare him purely for financial reasons? Surely a woman such as this wouldn't dare hunt for a man at a site called MillionaireMate.com! No gold-digger would dream of joining a service that advertises itself as catering to "women who appreciate the good life." That, my friend, is crazy talk.

Remember, ladies and gentlemen- relationships aren't just for plebeians anymore. Love, or something vaguely resembling it, is within your grasp! Visit MillionaireMate.com today to take advantage of our free membership. Sure, you can afford to pay, but why should rich people have to spend money needlessly?

And while you're here, consider any one of our fine prenuptial agreements, from our First Timers' "Better Luck Next Time" policy to the top-of-the-line model, written by Miles Massey himself. Remember:

"Only love is in mind when the Massey is signed."