Conquistador Instant Leprosy

The tingling fresh coffee which brings you exciting new cholera, mange, dropsy, the clap, hard pad and athlete's head. From the House of Conquistador.

Chock full of the esoteric and the gratuitous, sort of like my life.

(Formerly known as Pomegranate Rickey.)

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

I heart Pears

Just this past week I came to the rather startling realization that pears, when ripe, are wicked awesome. See, I've been trying to eat more fresh fruit of late, as I'm trying to lose weight. My usual fruit of choice tends to be oranges, but due to uncharacteristically low temperatures in citrus-producing states, the prices on oranges have gotten pretty high lately. So seeing as how pears were on sale, I bought some and have been eating 2 to 3 a day ever since. It's not like I've fallen in love again or anything, since as a kid, when I was eating fresh fruit with regularity, I saw them as the dumpy stepsister of apples. I've never really liked apples either, mostly due to the texture- the flavor is good, but biting into one sends shivers up my spine, and in my younger years I always felt the same about pears. But it turns out that either (a) shipping has gotten much better over the years, or (b) my mother bought pears at the wrong time, since the pears I've gotten hooked on are a pleasure to eat, firm but tender. And juicy as hell too- you don't so much chew a really good pear as you take a bite out of it and then half-eat-half-drink it. If you don't make at least a few little slurping sounds while eating a pear, chances are you're doing it incorrectly.

Anyway, as a way to (a) try something new for dinner, and (b) integrate pears into more aspects of my diet, I decided to experiment with a new salad. So I tried the following combination:

Romaine hearts
Cucumber (for that light but unmistakable cool flavor)
Chicken breast (Grilled, then chilled- I don't like the effect of hot chicken on cold lettuce)
A small handful of dried cranberries
Half a pear, in bite-sized chunks (not too small- too many slices and you lose a lot of juice)

I placed the above ingredients in a bowl in that order, then topped with some balsamic vinaigrette and let it soak a minute or so before tossing. And lo and behold, it was actually quite tasty. The pears and the dressing complimented each other nicely, and the tartness of the cranberries gave the salad some added flair. And of course chicken goes with damn near anything, so I wasn't too worried about that. I suppose some other dressings might work with this salad, although I wouldn't recommend a sweeter one- pears don't need any help. Heck, if you're a dressing hater like Adam, I'm sure that if you were to use canned pears instead of fresh you could top the salad with the juice (provided it was actual pear juice rather than syrup). All that was missing was an extra crunch- some sliced almonds, perhaps?

Anybody else know of any good non-dessert recipes that include pears?

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Updates! *gasp*

- Q: What's cuter than a pet guinea pig?

A: Two pet guinea pigs.

That's right, I bought another guinea pig. I decided that Muriel needed another guinea pig in her life to play with, and since I do have a little room to spare in my matchbox-sized apartment, I figured that would be as good a way as any to use it up. I knew for sure that I wanted another female, seeing as how (a) males can get over-aggressive and disagreeable at times, and (b) if Muriel was going to make friends, it would be better if she didn't get pregnant in the process. Originally the plan was to find a dark-haired pig, to be Anne to her Muriel, a la TWO ENGLISH GIRLS. However, I was won over by a little one at the pet store who was white with a couple of reddish patches around her eyes. The striking thing is that the new pig's hair is quite different than Muriel's- whereas Muriel's coat is sleek and smooth, this one looks fuzzier, which makes her even softer to pet than Muriel. Because she does have red hair, I'm toying with the name Victoria, after THE RED SHOES (a name dutiful readers will remember was a name I had originally toyed with for Muriel back in the day). But we'll see if I think of anything else.

I've "introduced" them a few times today, letting them play together for a few minutes at a time in my bathtub- a neutral spot so that Muriel won't feel like maybe-Victoria is horning in on her turf, and a reasonably big enclosed space for them to play. They've gotten along fairly well thusfar, which is a relief to me. Of course, who's to say what will happen once possibly-Victoria starts feeling at home here?

- As was the case with many dorky, unpopular boys in my age bracket, I went through a Weird Al Yankovic phase in my youth. I more or less moved on after middle school, but for a while there I knew the lyrics of many of his songs by heart. I remember a time when a training class at Boy Scout summer camp got delayed due to rain and a bunch of us sat in a shelter singing Weird Al songs until it stopped- good times. Anyway, I sort of got out of touch with what Al was up to over the years, excepting the really popular stuff like "Amish Paradise." But when someone sent me the link to the pretty funny "White'n'Nerdy" video on YouTube, I sort of went on a nostalgia trip.

You know what? A lot of his classics hold up, especially in video form- it's just not as much fun listening to "Fat" or "Livin' With a Hernia" without the visuals to back them up. I also gained a much greater appreciation for the "Dare to Be Stupid" video that I didn't have back then, largely due to the fact that I hadn't yet discovered Devo. But the biggest surprise was the discovery of the relatively recent "Bob"- a Bob Dylan homage in which the lyrics are comprised entirely of palindromes. There's no way this song would've worked for me as a kid, since Dylan meant nothing to me back then, whereas he means quite a bit nowadays. And it's impossible to imagine just listening to it, since the video is a pretty close parody of the opening "Subterranean Homesick Blues" sequence of "Don't Look Back," complete with fake Allen Ginsberg at the edge of the frame, although strangely enough the chords used in the song are more reminiscent of "Bob Dylan's 115th Dream." Likewise, I don't think most people would pick up on the palindromes without Weird Al's helpful cue cards.

I've always been something of a nut for palindromes- my favorite Hangman game ever was when I was playing with some coworkers and gave the clue "this word applies to both Hannah and Bob," both of whom were playing with me at the time, and neither of whom guessed the answer. Some of the puns in "Bob" are small and obvious, like "UFO Tofu" and "A Toyota's a Toyota," but others are pretty awesome, like "may a moody baby doom a yam?" and "Do nine men interpret? 'Nine Men,' I nod." And I was giddy that the final line in the song was the classic, "go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog," which I wouldn't have enjoyed nearly as much were I unfamiliar with TWIN PEAKS. Anyway, fun stuff.

Here's a link, case you haven't seen it yet.