That old autumnal feeling

OSU started classes this past week, and as such the city is crawling with students. And you know what that means- parties and keggers and drunks screaming "O-H!" "I-O!" to each other at all hours. It's around this time of year that I begin to reflect on how my college experience was really nothing like this scene. I didn't- and still don't- care for football, and the only reason I'd buy a student ticket would be to sell it for a profit. Likewise, I mostly went to movies or stayed in on weekends. I remember one time I got dragged along by my roommates to a party and wasn't really having a good time, and people kept asking me what was wrong. These people thought that since I was at a party, I should be having a good time, and since I wasn't I must be sick or sad or something along those lines. But the only thing wrong was that I was out of my element.

This is indicative of something that I realized long ago: I have a hard time relating to the majority of people out there.

I think this began when I was young. I was one of the smart kids, and I didn't play sports, so I didn't really have much in common with most of my classmates. I preferred talking to my teachers, which of course didn't endear me to my peers. I was thought of as a teacher's pet and a kiss-up, but I was just trying to connect with people who interested me. In high school, I had an easier time of things since I started involving myself in theatre and other school activities. But since high school, I've become less sociable with others. Sure, I'm cordial and friendly in my everyday interactions, but that's a far cry from really relating and connecting with those around me.

I used to agonize about my asocial (or is it anti-social) nature in my darker moments, wondering if maybe something was wrong with me that I didn't have a whole mess of friends to hang out with every night of the week. I thought that maybe the problem was that I was a snob, that I was too narrowly-focused on my own interests and priorities to be open to the interests and priorities of others. I thought that if I could work on being more easygoing and openminded, I could solve my problem.

But recently, I've realized something- I don't particularly enjoy most of the interests I can't relate to in others. If I'm going to be miserable at an OSU football game or at some party, why should I pretend to enjoy it just for the sake of those who do? It doesn't do me any good, and my lack of enjoyment will most likely bring them down. So I'm not going to waste my time, or their time, by faking it.

Sure, this hampers my social life. Just like in college, I'm spending most of my weekends watching movies and doing various jobs around my apartment, with the added fun of writing for Screengrab and occasionally posting to my blogs.

And understandably, my dating opportunities are limited. I've mostly given up on the possibility of meeting women through online dating services. Have you ever noticed that these things mostly pair up people with the most mainstream interests? Looking for a girl in Columbus who likes Buckeye football and reality shows? Yeah, that's a tough find. Let's look at the other end of the dating spectrum- a few months ago, I took a "personality test" to see whether I would be eligible to sign up with a certain dating service that will go unnamed. After tallying up my answers, I was told that I would not be accepted because my "personality score" fell outside the range that the jokers who ran the site believed could be easily hooked up with other eligible singles. Now, riddle me this, folks- if I could easily hook up with women, do you think I'd be wasting time and money on your site?

But it's cool. It's not a problem- it's just how I am. I've grown to accept it and even find ways to enjoy my solitude (the guinea pigs help). I don't have to answer to anyone if I'm alone on a Saturday night. I get lonely sometimes, but I could just as easily be lonely at a party, and at least at home I can watch a DVD.

And I still value my friends, both old and new. That's why Toronto rocked so hard. It wasn't just that I got to see a bunch of kickass movies before most of the world got to see them. It wouldn't have been nearly as much fun without the kindred spirits there with whom I was able to share my experience. It takes a certain kind of person to really dig into the TIFF experience, and for those who do it's a great way to bond. Of course there were all the cool people I got to hang with throughout the week, but even those random festival-goers I chatted with in rush lines or in theatres waiting for the screenings to start enriched my festival experience. It was only one week out of the year, but it was well worth the wait. I've learned to follow Polonius' advice- "to thine own self be true"- and I finally found an environment where my true self would be perfectly at home. And if I have to wait until next September to find that again, then so be it. I know it'll be worth the wait.